I know, hate is a strong word, but I gotta stick with it here. Spent a day on the market today and came away with an unpleasant taste in my mouth. So many perfectly lovely shops have so many perfectly hideous things for sale. Why why why can't the world be more like Crate & Barrel -- some pretty colour, a little something for everyone, everything plays nice together and isn't a gazillion dollars? Sigh. I can remain silent no longer and am now launching my campaign to ban the following items from sale and manufacture. Who's with me? Should we start a Facebook group? In no particular order here are my top 10 offenders:
1. The leather/faux leather tombstone chair. Amazingly you can spend $800 on one of these it'll look exactly like the $109 version. These cast a pall over any space they enter.
2. And while we're in the dining room, I can't think of any table less hospitable than this. It's all cold, hard glass and metal with sharp edges everywhere. There are SOO MANY of these for sale. Who is buying them? And if you've got one, please, do a me a favour and let your dinner guests know that elbow pads and shin guards a de rigueur at your next dinner party.
3. This thing. Ugh. Don't care if it's the "real" version with the Swarovski crystals or the umpteen cheap knock offs. Don't like. Don't think it's cool, or edgy. Will never ever like.
4. O dear little cushion, I know you want to seem happy and springy and colourful, but you have gone wrong in so many ways. Your colours are garish. You are too small. Your fabric is shiny and cheap. You are filled with fibrefil that will lump and flatten in a matter of months. You have no zipper so I cannot even try to replace your filler with a down/feather one. Sorry, we are not friends.
5. Dear Shinto stool, the only way you can make me happy is if you offer up yourself and all of your kin as kindling for my fireplace.
6. I am certain that poor Billy Baldwin writhes in agony in design heaven looking down on the banality of this version of the slipper chair. 6 a) any toss cushion that comes with a piece of furniture should immediately live up to its name and be tossed!
7. You poor sad creature. We can't even really call you a lamp, can we? You are the Tofurky of lighting.
8. Hey, I know what we can do tonight. Let's pop some popcorn, then curl up on the sofa together to watch a great movie. Oh....maybe not.
9. ...Or, if you want to stay in and roast marshmallows by the fire instead we can just skewer up these supersized ones from the sofa.
10. Honest, I kid you not. They have this stuff at lots of furniture stores. And people buy it. And they sleep here???????????? Then again, Jersey Shore is a big hit on TV, right?